Of Dimwits and Destiny
by PrincessChubbyCheeks
Summary: A certain SMIRKING, SHOULDER-SHOVING BASTARD does not factor into my Grand Master Plan for an epic senior year. So why, Kami, WHY does he have to keep freight-training through my life everywhere I go? I mean who does this guy think he is? How dare he be such a cliche! (Sidenote: SasuSaku... wait, what? Who said that? You're wrong!)
1. The Onion Theory

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've come to the conclusion that people are like onions.

And no, I don't mean that in the wishy-washy, sentimental sense. I'm not trying to make some deep metaphor about how everyone has layers just waiting to be peeled away. People are like onions because they smell, and bring tears to the eye, and I hate them. And when I say they bring tears to the eye, I don't mean it in the I'm-super-sensitive-and-my-heart-is-fragile-please-be-gentle-with-it-don't-make-me-cry-over-you kind of way- I mean sometimes I think about how stupid people are and it literally makes me weep for the sake of humanity.

Sometimes I wonder what Jesus is thinking up there in his crib, looking down at the millions of people who care more about who the Bachelor is going to pick to be his wife than the American people are going to pick to be their President. _Wow, they've really let themselves go._

Or maybe not. In actuality humans have always been rather uncivilized folk.

But back to the onion thing. In all of this thinking I've been doing recently I've realized that people are like onions, and really the world would be better off without them. Well, not all of them, I guess. Just… most of them. The majority.

You probably think I'm a piece of work. I'm not, really, I promise. I'm actually quite a delight. No, really, I've been called a delight before (and it may or may not have been one of the highlights of my sophomore year). If you would've asked me a week ago what my opinion was on the human race, and even onions, I would've given you the widest, cheesiest smile you've ever seen and probably prattled on for a solid fifteen minutes about all the love I have for the world and all the amazing humans I've met and how lucky we all are to be alive and yadda yadda yadda. I would've been a typical ray of light in this hellhole known as high school.

It's only recently- very recently- that I've been… enlightened.

And it's not like I'm a completely different person. I'm not suddenly some darkly clothed travesty, drawing skull tattoos on her arms in pen during class and sitting in library during lunch writing her emo thoughts down in her dream journal or whatever. I still like Scrabble, and The Princess Bride, and jamming to Christmas music no matter the season. I'm still the same cereal-crazy, Save the Whales!, drive-5-below-the-speed-limit Sakura. It's just the people-aspect that's changed. I haven't undergone some big transformation. Just a little shift.

I can tell you how this shift came about, if you want. Really, if I had a therapist he'd probably be telling me I needed to talk about it or write about it or something equally cliche, so in an effort to be self-sufficient I guess I'll just tell you. This will save me loads of money, and maybe some sanity as well. I'm warning you now, though: if you like onions, this might not be the right story for you.

….

Well, here goes nothing, I guess.

….

It all started with a boy. A gorgeous, stoic, perfect boy.

Fucker.

 **A/N: I don't really know what this is, I just really missed writing all of a sudden, and this was the result. We'll go with it, I guess. Could be fun.**

 **Much love!**

 **ObsessiveBrunette**


	2. It's Cosmic

I'm sorry. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I realize now that my previous little spiel might run the risk of coming off a tad too… quirky, perhaps. Scary. Sour-grapes-y. Aggressive. And I know I said I'd start with a boy- _the_ boy, as I'm sure you've figured out with that well-versed, trope-filled noggin of yours- but the thing is, if I'm going to tell this story- and I am, I really am- I'm going to tell it right. And if I'm going to tell it right, then I'm going to need you to be on my side. Kurenai-sensei spent a week on this in Creative Writing last semester. The whole "empathy" thing.

So let's start over okay? Let's forget about angry tirades. Let's forget about mysterious boys. Let's forget about what we're even forgetting about. Let's just close our eyes for a moment and take some deep breaths and feel time tick-tick-ticking around us. Ah, there's nothing like the endless flow of time to make you realize your own insignificance and erase all traces of silly first impressions, am I right? Yes, that's right, deep breaths. In and out. In and out. In… and out...

Ahhh. Namaste, my friend. Much better. I feel much more zen now, don't you?

Oh, who am I, you ask? Well, it's nice to meet you!

My name's Sakura Haruno, and I'll be your pink-haired protagonist. And contrary to what you may be thinking, I usually am a very happy, well-adjusted, emotionally-stable girl. I read books. I play Words with Friends. I make brownies just so I can eat the batter. I guide my best friend through the turbulent waters of her ever-so-exciting love life. Er….. ex-best friend?….

…..See, I've been a bit…. "down on my luck" lately, I suppose. And perhaps an unfortunate little turn of events _may_ have, I mean _possibly_ , added an extra-large dose of cynicism to the recipe-for-Sakura. But, you know what? Maybe I'll taste better this way! Besides, a tablespoon of cynicism here and there is healthy for you, you know. Google it! I'm sure there are tons of LiveStrong articles about it!

Heh…. what was I saying?

Oh, back to the beginning, right. Right. Whew, okay…. Deep breaths.

Namaste.

So let's not start with the boy, okay? Let's start with me. Let's start…. About three months ago! The first day of my senior year. The first day of the most monumental year of my life (so far, of course. I definitely don't plan on peaking in high school!).

At the time, it was the first day of the rest of my life…

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

I awoke to the rapturous sound of angelic "Hallelujahs". Not because I am schizophrenic or super in-touch with those heavenly folk or anything, just because that's the sound my alarm makes at precisely six a.m. every morning. It reminds me that every day is a blessing and makes life seem infinitely more exciting (seriously, try waking up to THAT, the sun streaming through your window, the final wisps of a blissfully hormonal dream featuring a devilishly handsome boy trailing away with every bleary-eyed blink…. It takes a HELLUVA LOT to have a bad day after that)... (I would know).

I donned my perfect first-day-of-school outfit- black t-shirt under white-and-green gingham flare dress complete with worn-out black Converse (to add authenticity and provide me with the perfect combination of "cute but not trying too hard")- then traipsed downstairs, ate a hearty bowl of Reese's Puffs and ten pieces of bacon (I'm a nervous eater!), grabbed my backpack and headed outside to start the engine of my beautiful baby blue car (secondhand, and don't ask me what kind, I'm not much of a car person) only to find Ino already in the driveway, leaning out the window of the driver's' seat and grinning at me with those perfect, whiter-than-white teeth of hers.

"Get in, Forehead!" she cried, and I hurried to comply, a surprised smile of my own spreading across my face. "Did you think I was going to let you drive to school by yourself?! First day of senior year and no way in hell are we not walking through those doors together."

"And why is that, Pig? Was there something about it in your horoscope this morning or what?" I teased as I buckled into the passenger seat and we rolled down the driveway.

"Please, Sakura. Astrology isn't an exact science like that, obviously. No, you dummy, it's symbolic! You and I are going to strut through that doorway and down those halls side-by-side, just like we'll be there for each other all year."

She held out the pinky finger of her hand that wasn't on the wheel, and I held out mine, cheesily grinning as I vowed, "til death do us part" and we pinky-promised. Ino rolled the windows down and the air that streamed into the car seemed full of promise and possibility. Potential.

The first day of the rest of my life!

"Oh, I almost forgot!" I gasped as Ino pulled into the parking lot, stationing the car next to a gaudy orange truck with peeling paint, a busted taillight and more than one crater smashed into the side. It looked like it had come straight from the dump. Or an amateur monster truck rally for colorblind farmers only. Is that a thing?

I had to dig around in my bag for a second before finding what I was looking for: the friendship bracelet. This one was a complicated braid the cerulean color of Ino's eyes, complete with a small silver leaf charm hanging from the middle. I held it up enthusiastically for Ino to see and felt a surge of pride at her exclamation of surprise. "Oh my gosh, Forehead! It's beautiful!" she snatched it out my grip and admired it for a second before adding it to the other quadrillion bracelets that already adorned both of her arms. "I love it. Thank you!" The bracelets jingled happily as she clapped her hands together.

"Okay," she squealed, reaching into her pocket, "now yours!" and presented a red and black bracelet to me with a flourish, waggling her eyebrows as if she were a peddler showing off her finest wares.

"Eeeep!" I exclaimed delightedly as she handed it to me. I examined the thick bracelet, made out of lots of thin leather cords, with admiration, turning it over in my hands to reveal-

"No way! The same charm!"

"Yeah, I got it on-"

"Etsy!" we shouted in unison, and cackled.

The bracelets had been our tradition since the first day of third grade. One every year on the first day of school. I tugged the new one over my hand and admired the array of color dangling from my arm. Not nearly as many as Ino wore- she had a jewelry fetish, to say the least- but still. Ten bracelets. Ten years' worth of memories.

(On a sidenote, I would just like to clarify that Ino and I were not always so…. exuberant. Enthusiastic. Exclamation-point-y. This was just a big day, okay? We were excited. Possibility and all that.)

With two minutes until the final bell rang for first period, Ino and I approached the glossy glass doors that were Konohacademy's main entryway. Students streamed past in hurried manners, some shouting to friends across the quad and others already slipping back into that "keepyoureyesonthegrounddontlookatanybodymakenoeyecontactyoucandothis" style of walking that only a well-practiced high school hallway navigator can truly master. I bounded up the steps two at a time, laughing back at Ino trudging up the stairway in her not-so-sensible-heels behind me ("For Kami's sake Forehead, _wait_ "), savoring the cacophony of life that surrounded me.

You could feel the cosmic significance swirling in the air.

The final bell for first period rang just as a grumbling Ino reached me at the top about thirty seconds later. I stifled a laugh at all the panicked freshmen flailing around like lost little hens. I wasn't worried about being tardy- everyone knows that teachers don't mark you late on the first day of class.

"Alright, gotta go. Don't want to be too late for Chem- I hear the new sensei is fine as hell."

"Ino!"

"What? I don't want to make a bad first impression! You know 'affair with sexy schoolteacher' is on my high school bucket list!"

"But you said we were going to walk through together!"

"Well that was kind of shot to hell when you _stampeded_ up the stairs without me, don't you think?! We're here at the doors together anyways, and that's what matters, really. Besides, this way you can take your time. I know how you love your cliche, 'just like the movies' moments."

I do love my dramatic movie-scene moments...

She enveloped me in a death grip that I returned just as forcefully, then shook my shoulders as she whispered elatedly, "This is it. Make it count!" With another signature squeal (if you were wondering why her nickname is _Pig_ ) and a "see you in sixth period!" she waltzed through the doors and into the future.

Metaphorically, of course. Although I did have a dream one time where Konohacademy was like a time-warp school and every time you walked through the doors you would be in a different era like Jurassic, Italian Renaissance, Roman Empire ( _Kami_ , did Kakashi-sensei look good in a toga)-

 _Anyways._

I spun around in a full three-sixty, my eyes taking in the sky-high marble pillars that made our private school look more like the Parthenon, the nearly-deserted, perfectly-trimmed, emerald-grassed quad that stretched for what seemed like forever, the picturesque azure sky, full of lazy cumulus clouds rolling across on the light not-quite-summer-not-quite-autumn breeze.

Ah, Konohagakure Academy for the Gifted.

(Which really just means Konohagakure Academy for the Rich Kid- still, I could think of far worse places to spend my senior year.)

Completing my circle and once again facing those effortlessly glossy doors, I closed my eyes and stood up on my tippy-toes. My head filled with my most heartfelt hopes for the year and my lungs filled with that possibility-filled air as I took a deep breath and gingerly pushed open the door. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, I lifted one foot to step across the threshold and-

almost fell _flat_ on my face as a **human freight train** _barrelled_ into my shoulder.

(Sidenote: Cosmic significance, indeed.)

"Hey! Watch it doucheca-"

Oh.

My.

Frick.

"-noe…" I trailed off as my assailant glanced at me over his shoulder.

He was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my life, with effortlessly sculpted cheekbones and perfectly tousled inky black hair and endlessly dark eyes and a gloriously seductive smirk and

and

and… wait.

What?

Where was he?

Where did he go?

Wasn't he even going to say sorry?! He ruined my dramatic movie-scene moment!

And

and

and

and did he _smirk_ at me?! How disgustingly chauvinistic! How stereotypical asshole of him! How dare he be such a cliche! Who did this guy think he was? (No, really, who was this guy? I mean… just wondering...)

Nu uh. Unacceptable. With a grand huff and the urgency of a woman on a mission (and a woman who had to move before the door came slamming back in her face) I pounced into the hallway, expertly scanning the empty hallway for any sign of where he disappeared to so I could give him a piece of my heart- wait, I mean mind! _Dammit!_

I mean, so what if I was naming the children we would one day have together thirty seconds ago! The guy was clearly a giant piece of jerk! Misaki and Futaba and Yato deserved a better father than that shoulder-shoving shithead!

(Sidenote: You know, looking back at it, since He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named so thoughtfully _ruined_ my dramatic movie moment, I was forced to release my pent-up theatrics in another way… in other words, by directing all that pent-up theatricality straight at him. You know really, now that I think about it, it's only natural that events transpired the way they did.)

But… there wasn't a glimpse of him turning the corner. No trail of breadcrumbs leading me to where he awaited with a ring and profound apology. There was nothing but that scary janitor who got in some tragic childhood accident and now looks like he's part shark (I know it's wrong to judge based on appearances, but I can't help it! He gives me the creeps!). He brandished his giant mop threateningly at me and menacingly growled, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

Needless to say, I squeaked out an apology and hurried on my way. Luckily the French wing was only a few minutes walk from the entrance, and I banished all thoughts of satanic, smirking (sculpted, sexy, striking, statuesque, SOMEHOW SUPERNATURALLY SYMMETRICAL) strangers from my head as I approached Tsunade-sensei's door, arranging my facial features into an appropriately flustered and apologetic expression as I carefully stepped into the room, the perfect picture of little-girl-lost.

The blonde, big-breasted head of the French department (and undisputed hot older woman on campus) and approximately twenty of my fellow pupils turned their heads to size me up as I walked in.

Tsunade-sensei's eyebrows were raised in a surprised sort of expression as she greeted me. "Bonjour. Miss… Haruno, is it?"

"Ah… oui, Tsunade-sensei. Sorry for being late, I got los-"

"Save your excuses. See me after class."

Ah, see? You could get away with anything on the firs-

Wait… what?! "See me after class"?! On the first day!? Give me a break!

A dull uproar of whispering followed this _completely uncalled for_ verbal sucker-punch. A bit preoccupied with my futile struggle to disappear as I murmured a ' _oui, Tsunade-sensei_ ' and humiliatedly made my way to the back of the room, I vaguely heard some comments along the lines of 'damn, that's harsh' and 'Tsunade-sensei is a hardass'.

There were a couple of " _oooooooooooh_ , you're in _trouuuuble_ "s (really? How old are you?) and one red-haired girl even offered up a snide "serves her right" to her friend in the loudest, bitchiest-sounding whisper I had ever heard.

(Sidenote: see? Onions.)

Cheeks burning, I slumped into the only available spot left in the class, between some kid with a bowl cut and... interesting fashion sense (was he wearing a green _morphsuit?_ Although I had to admit, his eyebrows were on fleek) and a sleeping (sleeping? How was he already sleeping? Class started ten minutes ago!) blonde named Naruto whom I vaguely remembered as somewhat of a loudmouth from the couple of classes we had together freshmen year. He snorted aggressively in his sleep, and with a violent thrash (oh my frick, was he having a seizure?!) his head fell facedown into my, er… lady region _lap_.

The first day of the rest of my life. Off to a great start.

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O


	3. Honors Accounting 101

3- Honors Accounting 101

So, I just realized that I said I wasn't going to start with the boy. And you know, I really, wholeheartedly, quite deliberately, some might say almost _too_ adamantly intended _not_ to start with said boy. And yet, somehow… there boy was.

But that's just it.

I started at the beginning. But from the beginning, boy has been _everywhere_. Seriously, everywhere! Freight-training through my life wherever he goes!

Take fifth period, for example. And seventh period. And _lunch_. And his locker is like three hallways down from my math classroom! I mean, seriously, the nerve of this guy! The audacity! The _gall_!

I digress.

So anyways, I'm sorry. Maybe it's some subliminal thing. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I wanted to start with the boy, Maybe some sick, twisted, masochistic part of me just wants to keep dredging him up from the depths of my cerebral cortex and rehashing every single moment we've ever spent together.

But can you really blame me? If anything, he's the one to blame for leaving such a lasting impression. Who gave him the right to be so memorable? To have a _smirk_ that is _impossible to get out of your fucking head._ To have eyes so deep and dark I could drown in them...

Huh? What? What was I saying? Where were we?

Ah, first day of the rest of my life. Right. Okay… so let's just give you an overview of how the first year of the rest of my life was slated to look!

 **Sakura Haruno, 12th grade, Konohagakure Academy for the Gifted and Talented**

 **1st period: French IV….. Tsunade-sensei, Green Wing 116**

 **2nd period: Honors English XII…... Kakashi-sensei, Red Wing 242**

 **3rd period: Honors Calculus II….. Nara-sensei, Blue Wing 316**

 **4th period: Honors World Studies… Jiraiya-sensei, Purple Wing 129**

 **Lunch**

 **5th period: Advanced Chemistry…. Itachi-sensei, Yellow Wing 187**

 **6th period: Elective- Intro to Biomedical Science…. Sasori-sensei, Yellow Wing 170**

 **7th period: Physical Education- Martial Arts….. Kakashi-sensei, Back Gym**

 **Homeroom (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays)... Kakashi-sensei, Red Wing 242**

 **Self-supervised Study Hall (Tuesdays, Thursdays)...Hashirama Library, Brown Wing**

 **Activities*: Student Government, Writing Club, Key Club, Braniacs League, Book Club**

 ***Student may want to consider participating in an athletic extracurricular in the interest of being well-rounded and well-prepared for the secondary school application process.**

First relase of schedules over the summer had my stomach churning at the terrifying prospect of only one class with Ino (and not even lunch, hers was after fifth period), but upon further contemplation, some silver linings could be found. Hina and I had almost completely the same schedule again- she'd been my best school friend ever since Honors Physics first semester freshmen year, where we'd been the only girls in our class and both of us way too shy to even _think_ about talking to any of the boys. Then Braniac League tryouts rolled around in late October, and we were both placed on the highest team with Gaara and Shikamaru, and the rest is history.

(Sidenote: perks of being a smart kid- there's not a whole lot of wiggle room in your schedule. Three years in all the same classes and us smarties all know each other's business: hobbies, best subjects, ex-loves, embarrassing moments, parents' names, you name it. Actually, you decide if that's a perk or not. Sometimes it feels more like a burden.)

Actually, it used to be the three of us- Hinata, Shikamaru, and I, the total dream team- until Shika had to go and cheat on Ino with Temari. Or wait, did Ino cheat on him with Sai? Honestly, the whole situation was kind of a mess. But you know how the saying goes, "sisters before misters" and all. Ino tried to pretend like she was totally fine with me spending like six hours a day with the boy-she-lost-her-virginity-to-but-definitely-did-not-still-have-any-lingering-feelings-for-thank-you-very-much, but I knew better.

It wasn't ever a big thing. It's not like we got in a fight and I kicked him out of the squad or anything. It was just… weird for a couple of days. Awkward. Suddenly certain subjects were taboo. I had to think twice before I said anything for fear of accidentally saying something about Ino or infidelity (we were just finishing up _Anna Karenina_. The subject of "infidelity" managed to come up painfully often). It had never been like that with them before. It had always been so easy. No topic was off-limits. Hell, Hina and I talked about our _periods_ with him and the only discomfort he ever vocalized was "troublesome"!

Honestly, I think he felt a little weird being around me too. So about a week after everything with him and Ino went down he walked into Honors English 11, gave a little to Hina and I, then sat down next to Chouji and Shino and started discussing _The Sound and the Fury_ like it was where he'd been sitting every day for the past year. I haven't talked to him a whole lot since.

I do miss him. I love Hina, but it's just not the same. His snarkiness balanced out her sweetness, and I was sort of like the cherry on top. Er, right in the middle (you get what I mean, right?). The perfect combination. And now neither Hina nor I have anyone on the inside when it comes to boy advice. Well, I guess Hina has Neji, but honestly, can you imagine trying to talk boys with Neji?

No really, can you? Because I don't think I can. It's too bizarre.

And another schedule silver lining: _three_ classes with Kakashi-sensei! Mmmmmm, maybe I would finally get to see what was under that mask. I'd daydreamed about the unveiling so many times before, Kami kind of owed this to me. It would only be fair!

(Sidenote: please don't judge my Kakashi-sensei obsession. If you knew him like I do, you would understand. Kakashi-sensei is like an accessible George-Clooney-turned-Phantom-of-the-Opera. And he teaches _English._ He's a literature lover! I've hardly ever seen him without a book in his hand. Plus, if those little orange guilty pleasure books are anything to go by, I bet he's a freak in the sheets!)

I tried to get into Aerobics for my Phy Ed, but I was too slow; the class was already full by the time I submitted my registration. Not surprising, really- it was the most sought-after gym class on campus. Every girl wants a bod like Anko-sensei's.

(Sidenote: Anko-sensei. Aerobics Queen.)

So Martial Arts it was. If I had to settle for my Physical Education selection, at least I could settle on one that came with the possibility of seeing Kakashi-sensei shirtless.

And, to the best of my knowledge, _no_ classes with Kiba.

AND Gaara had moved back to Suna over the summer, so there was no chance of any awkward encounters with him in the hallway… right?

So maybe not such a terrible schedule after all.

Only the little "you need some sports in your life or you'll never get in to any top-tier colleges" note gave any cause to worry. I would just ignore it (sports have never really been high up on my list of priorities… or even on the list at all), but Shizune (my counselor and basically big sister/cool older best friend) seconded the suggestion when I went to talk with her last week. Formally the meeting was to "finalize my schedule", but we ended up ditching her office to get ice cream and talk about boys (namely, Kakahi-sensei. Shizune is one of the few people I know who holds Kakashi-sensei in even higher esteem than I do, if you know what I'm saying… ahem, she'sheadoverheels ahem). It was blissful.

But before we got a bit… distracted fantasizing over a banana split about Kakashi-sensei kinky-role-playing as our favorite figures in Western Literature (Kakashi-sensei as Heathcliff? I'm weak), she did kind of lay down the law: namely, that non-athletic Sakura is a no-go Sakura, at least as far as Six Paths is concerned.

See, the reason Shizune and I got so close in the first place is I've basically been in her office every week since before I even enrolled at Konohacademy. Her super guidance counseling specialty is technically "future planning", and I've had my future planned for as long as I can remember, so the first thing I did before applying to the high school was sit down with her and have a nice, comprehensive chat about the curriculum, the rigor, the results. Six hours later (so maybe it was more of a discussion than a chat. Sue me. I'm thorough!), I felt confident that a diploma from Konoha would make me the ideal contender for admission to Six Paths.

Six Paths University. It's cutthroat. It's elite. It's rather infamous. It's a bit mythical, really. Sort of legendary. The kind of school you can't help but say with a sense of wonder, an edge of wistfulness to your tone. It's a place where dreams come true.

It's where my parents met and fell in love. It's where they became the kind of people they were. Amazing people. Incredible, awe-inspiring people. People who had a purpose in life, and were executing that purpose pretty damn flawlessly. The kind of person I want to be.

I've always wanted to be a doctor. And not just any doctor. The unreal, unstoppable, almost magical kind of doctor. The kind that people call when every other doctor says there's nothing to be done. The kind of doctor that performs miracles. Just like mom and dad.

And thanks to all of Shizune's guidance, I will be. Kami, I hope I will be.

So sports it is!

Eventually.

Soon. I'll figure it out soon.

Point is, a couple of killer essays, a colorful palette of extracurriculars, heart-tugging letters of recommendation from my favorite faculty members (it helps that the faculty is rather prestitigous, too, heh), and by this time next year I'll be sporting the Six Pathers' signature black, white and red. And I need to be Valedictorian. Not that that should be any problem. Not being cocky, just factual! I've worked hard to be top of the class. All nighters, cram school, endless amounts of coffee and concentration. And absolutely _no_ cheating, like 80 percent of Konohacademy kids do to make it through the rather rigorous curriculum.

Something you need to understand about Konohacademy: not every student in attendance is exactly who you might expect qualifies as "gifted". There are a few kids there that are prodigies in every sense of the word- those are the token scholarship students. But most kids just have to be moderately talented in one aspect of their life (whether it be be music, athletics, academics, slam poetry, you name it) to be granted admittance. And be able to provide the exorbitant tuition sum. And since exorbitant tuition sums are so very crucial to Konoha's financial well-being, there isn't a whole lot of laying-down-the-law when it comes to the whole cheating thing.

Say what you will about the school, and yeah, maybe it's a bit of a mouthful, maybe it's a bit stuffy, maybe it's cookie-cutter-corrupt, and maybe it's a MASSIVE cliche (I don't really mind that aspect, in all honesty), but all in all it's the best possible place for me to be if I'm going to get where I want to go. And I'm going to get there. I am. Everyone says it. Ino thinks I've already got it in the bag, that I go a little too overboard with it sometimes, that I run myself ragged and yadda yadda yadda, but really I'm just being precautionary. I don't want to take any chances. I've had it all planned out since I was nine, my whole trajectory (from nine-year-old nobody to Sakura Haruno, first female Hokage). Everything accounted for.

Almost everything.

What didn't I account for? Well… remember the first day of the rest of my life? That might be the day when the whole "everything accounted for" philosophy got shit all over. Ruthlessly. Relentlessly. Redundantly. Fifth hour, actually, if you'd like specifics. Followed by seventh. And… detention, I suppose, was a bit of a shitfest as well.

But we'll start with lunch. No one should have to relive unpleasant memories on an empty stomach.

And oh, what a glorious lunch it was.

Okay, well maybe _glorious_ is adorning things a bit. It wasn't all that exciting. But the waffles _were_ divine.

(Sidenote: perks of pretentious private prep school? Ambrosia and nectar, food of the gods, served daily. You know, figuratively. What I'm trying to say is the food is very good. And Ichiraku ramen caters on Fridays!)

Hina and I casually strolled through the caf, perusing for the perfect table (close to the window, not too close to the stoners, good view of the garbage cans aka ideal perch for salivating over cute boys as they dump their trays away, not-quite-crowded-not-quite-isolated so that traffic is kept to a minimum but also no one can overhear any personal conversations). Meticulously perusing. Possibly _too_ meticulously perusing.

Yeah, we took way too long. Ended up at the only available table left in the lunchroom, an eight-top smack-dab in the middle of all the goings-on, sadly slouched into our seats, delicious breakfast food the only comfort to our failed quest for The Golden Fleece. Er, Golden Lunchtable? Whatever. Everyone knows the perfect lunchtable is like an urban legend.

Our table really wasn't _that_ bad. We still had an excellent view of the garbage display. It was just a bit crowded. At least, all the tables surrounding us were crowded, overflowing with various friendgroups. And then there was Hina and I and our six, sad, empty little seats. To the casual passerby, it's possible we looked a bit friendless.

Okay, we were a bit friendless. But it would've been way less obvious if we were sitting at a two-top by the window!

I wasn't all that concerned with the casual passerby's perception of my popularity (or lack thereof), at the time, however. I had much bigger fish to fry.

" _Detention,_ Hina! She gave me detention! Within the first hour of the first day of my senior year! Kami, she's an absolute nightmare."

"Well, in all fairness, you were late to her class on the first day of your senior year…"

"First day! First. Day. There is a code. No detention on the first day of school, that's the first rule of the code. Seriously, it should be a felony for breaking it."

"Maybe it's nothing personal against you! Maybe she just needed to make an example of you so the class will take her seriously this year! You know how crucial the first day is when it comes to asserting authority over the class. Students are savages!"

(Sidenote: if you've never seen Hinata Hyuga sympathetically utter the phrase, "students are savages!" before aggressively shoveling a forkful of pancakes into her mouth, you have never truly understood the meaning of the world "adorable". Seriously. Why are all my friends so much cuter than me?)

She did have a point. If I were in her place, I probably (read: definitely) would have done the same thing as Tsunade-sensei. No way in hell was I going to put up with a bunch of disrespectful dipwads all year!

But that didn't mean I had to be happy about it!

I sighed and took a angry stab at my waffle. "Why do you have to be so sympathetic to everyone, Hina? I mean, where is Shika to shake his head and mutter 'troublesome' when I need him?"

(Sidenote: Shikamaru is definitely your go-to guy when you need a good rant. There is something so vindicating about someone else calling all your troubles 'troublesome'. Like he's hearing you, and agreeing with you, and thinks that whatever you're going on about really really really does suck.)

(Even if deep-down you know that he's really really really not listening.)

"Actually, where is Shika?" Hina asked, scanning the room, brow furrowed. "I could've sworn he said he had this lunch in Japanese…"

(Sidenote: Japanese is one of the only classes I don't have with Hina this year (the other being Martial Arts, Kami help me). The Japanese program at Konoha is probably one of the best in the world, with all these amazing guest speakers and immersive field trips and crazy history lessons about insane battles that took place between warring clans and I could go on and on about it. The only reason I'm not taking Japanese is that I lived there for six years with my parents while they were stationed in Tokyo, doing medical research under Orochimaru that I was way too young to be interested in. Now I wish I'd been a little more interested, obviously. Like maybe somehow I could've realized…

Anyways. Point is my Japanese is pretty solid and since I'm Six Paths-bound, obviously three languages is better than two, so it's been French for me for the past three years! As far as I figure, the only people who take French are the major overachievers who already know Japanese, like me, or the major underachievers who heard that French is way easier to learn than Japanese and submitted their slacker schedules without a second thought.)

"Enough about Shika," I said dismissively, slightly wounded that he and Hina had talked in first hour when he hadn't said a word to either of us in second, third or fourth. Was he avoiding me? And only me? "There are plenty of other fish in the sea!"

Hina opened her mouth as if to defend him, so I quickly cut her off, teasingly asking, "Any fish you're hoping bite on your hook this year? Hmmmmm?"

At her _massive(ly adorable)_ blush, I gasped. "Wait… is there actually someone?! What?! How! _Who!_ "

Her blush deepened. "I-"

"How could you not have said something?! We've been together all morning! You didn't even talk to anyone but me besides that Naruto guy in World Stud- wait a minute."

Not sure how it's possible, but somehow Hina managed to become even redder. "Sakura-"

"Oh my _Kami_ , you are kidding me! Hina, his head was in my lap this morning!"

Her eyes widened. "What?"

Wait. Oh no.

"In a platonic way! It was an accident! Kami, that came out so wrong, it is _not_ like it sounds…"

I blanched at her adorable, wide-eyed, innocent, terrified expression.

"You know what, nevermind, I'm sure he's a very nice guy, when he's, you know, coherent." And not two inches away from my privates. "He's got… a nice… smile?"

She sighed wistfully. "And the most beautiful blue eyes…"

I couldn't help but fangirl. She was just too gosh-darn _cute_! "Oh my frick, _Hina_! You've got it bad!"

(Sidenote: since I know you are dying to know, the conversation between Hina and Naruto in World Studies went a little like this.

Naruto: *from desk behind Hina (diagonally behind me)* Psst. _Psssssssssst._ Hey.

Hina: *whirling around, eyes wide* Huh?

Naruto: Hey. Can I borrow a pencil? Pervy-sensei will _kill_ me if he finds out I didn't bring one! I had to beg him to let me in to this class and he'll just go on and on about how much of a hassle he went through and how I'm not taking it seriously-

Jiraiya-sensei: Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Naruto?

Naruto: Uhhhhh, what? What? Nope, nothing to share! Just telling Hinata-chan here about how excited I am to study the world with you this year Perv- uh, Jiraiya-sensei!

Class: *giggles*

Jiraiya-sensei: *rolls eyes* As I was saying…

Naruto: *slumping down in seat* Whew. Close one. So, how bout it, Hinata-chan? It is Hinata, right?

Hina: *whirls back around to front*

Naruto: Uh… Hina-chan? Oh, shoot. It's not Hinata, is it? Oh, shit, I'm so sor-

Hina: *whirling around again, pencil in hand, blush spreading* It is. *little clear-the-throat cough* Um, it is Hinata.

Naruto: *eyes lighting up* Wow, seriously!? Thank you so much! You're the best, Hina-chan! *looking at pencil (pink and sparkly)* Wow, cool pencil too. You have good taste!

Hina: Um… *blush intensifies* *whirls back around to front* *stares at textbook for few minutes*

Me (eventually): Hina. Page six. We're on page six now.

Hina: *eyes slightly glazed* Huh?)

Wow, in retrospect, I don't know how I missed it before. She was _so_ obvious.

(And another sidenote: I have never seen someone's eyes light up that much over a pencil before. It was insane. Inhuman. I mean, the guy was practically glowing! That's not normal.

I guess they are kind of pretty, though. His weird, glowy eyes. Very blue.)

Speaking of gorgeous eyes...

"You know, I saw the most perfect-looking guy in the universe today." I said conversationally as the lunch bell rang and we rose to dump our trays and walk to fifth period.

"In the universe?"

"Well he's certainly the most perfect-looking guy I've ever seen."

"Wow. Where? TV? Instagram? Do you have a picture?"

"Nope. Up close and personal. Right after he basically _assaulted_ me and left me for dead."

Hina stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh my goodness, what? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, of course. Really Hina, I'm offended you asked. I'm tough."

"Are you sure you're okay, Sakura? I mean, assault, that's really serious…"

I just couldn't justify my exaggeration when faced with the concern in her doey-eyes. "Okay, so it wasn't _really_ assault. Technically."

Hina let out an amused sound somewhere between a huff and a sigh. We resumed walking.

"It was seriously traumatic, though! Hear me out. So I'm standing there, at the main doors, you know, trying to have a dramatic movie-scene moment, just minding my own business, and this guy comes along and just totally _barrells_ through my shoulder! And mind you, the bell had already rung for class, the doorway was completely deserted, he could have so easily gone around me! It wasn't even close to mosh-pit level rowdy! There is no excuse for shoving into my shoulder!"

"That does sound a bit unwarranted…" (Okay, that settles it. If Hina agrees that you were being rude, you were being rude.)

"And then get this- he doesn't even apologize! He just turns his head around _while he's walking away from me_ and _smirks_! It was a textbook hit and run! How rude is that?!"

She gnawed on her bottom lip, the way she does when she's trying really hard to remain kind and impartial. "Well, we don't know all the facts… you did say the bell had already rung, so he was probably in a hurry…"

"No. You can not seriously be trying to defend this guy! He was the reason I was late to French this morning! He's the reason I have detention!"

A raised eyebrow and small smile.

"Okay… part of the reason." Curse my movie-moment fetish.

I let the issue drop as we entered Chem, the first ones in the room, and settled down in an open lab table towards the back. Not even supposedly sexy Itachi-sensei was present. I was doodling on the inside cover of Hina's chem notebook about three minutes later when I felt her stiffen beside me. I looked up to see Naruto enter the room. (The movie-moment fetishist in me whispered that it was a total Twilight moment.) He looked around and apparently did not see any faces more familiar than ours, beause he made a beeline straight for us, wide smile roguishly charming and eyes once again freakishly bright.

I'm so proud of Hina for not fainting.

"Hey, Hina-chan! D'you mind if I sit with you? My bastard best friend isn't here yet… but I bet you two are way better company anyways!"

Hina squeaked. "Um… yes. I mean, no! I mean-"

I cut her off, concealing my laughter behind what I hoped was a welcoming, I'm-so-not-trying-to-matchmake-you smile. "No, we don't mind."

Naruto focused his attention on me. "Oh, hey, you look really familiar! Do we have a class together?"

I tried to keep my smile from twitching. Silently, I counted to ten, reminding myself that "your unconscious head was wedged between my legs this morning" probably wasn't a suitable first-encounter sort of answer. "Yes, actually, we do! We sit next to each other in French I believe, and we have World Studies together too. I'm Sakura Haruno."

"Naruto Uzumaki." he grinned, holding out his hand for a shake, which I took. "Wow, how could I have not have noticed sitting next to such a pretty girl! Serves me right for sleeping in class I guess, huh?" he asked sheepishly, putting his hand behind his head.

Oh-kay. Maybe he was a bit of a goof, but I was sold. Clearly the guy was a major sweetie. And he did have _really_ pretty eyes.

But wait a minute! He can't be complimenting me! How were him and Hinata ever going to have adorable blue-eyed, mild-mannered babies if he went around complimenting other women? Something had to be done. I pulled Hina aside urgently just as Itachi-sensei walked into the room.

(Sidenote: Damn. The rumors did not lie. Kakashi-sensei had some _major_ competition.)

"Lab groups of three to four, please, send one member to report the names to me and I'll hand you your group's textbooks. Oh, and I'm Itachi-sensei, although you may call me Uchiha-sama if you'd like." He flashed a naturally seductive smile and my ovaries just narrowly avoided exploding (one point: ovaries. Way to hold it together girls).

Naruto glanced nervously at the clock. "Damn. The bastard's still not here yet? Can he be part of our group? He's really smart!"

"Sure!" I chirped, just as Hinata murmurerd "of course".

Naruto heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. "Great. You guys are the best! I'll go tell Itachi the names."

I started a bit at "Itachi" (no-sama? no-sensei?), but shrugged it off as he made his way to the front of the room. "Well, he's really something, alright." I whispered to Hina.

"You think so?" she asked, worriedly twiddling her fingers.

"Yeah. But I really like him."

Hinata's relieved blush was, you guessed it, adorable. "Me too."

We watched him as he waited to give Itachi-sensei the names, seemingly introducing himself and chatting with everyone else in line. It was like everyone he came in contact with couldn't help but smile. It was kind of transfixing. So transfixing that I didn't even notice when a certain dark-haired someone entered the room until he was standing at Naruto's side, wincing as the blonde-haired boy issued a loud, "BASTARD! YOU'RE LATE!" and joyfully punched him in the arm.

I started and clutched at my still-transfixed friend's arm and hissed, "Oh my frick, Hina, that's _him._ "

"Hm?"

" _The shoulder-shover!"_

"What? Where?!"

"What do you mean where?! The superhumanly beautiful one! The guy Naruto just punched in the arm!"

" _That's_ him?!"

" _Obviously it's him do you see those cheekbones-"_

"But, Sakura! If he's the Bastard best friend that Naruto was talking about, then that means-" she was interrupted as Naruto finished reporting to Itachi-sensei and abruptly turned and tugged a disgruntled Shoulder-Shover back to us, hollering, "HEY GUYS! THIS IS SASUKE-BASTARD, HE'S THE BEST!"

I felt sort of suspended as I watched the two weave their way towards us in shocked silence, unaware that my jaw was hanging halfway to the floor. Upon realization of this, I rapidly regained composure and muttered, "bastard is right…" under my breath just as they reached the table.

But really, I felt like laughing. Because remember that plan of mine? Remember everything I'd accounted for? Golden Boy and Dark Horse being best friends? Definitely _not_ accounted for.

(Sidenote: It's still kind of unbelievable to me. I mean, Naruto and Sasuke? Really, who'dve thought?)

I think I really might have started laughing right then and there if Itachi-sensei's voice hadn't cut through the din of the class, hushing the crowd. "All right, now everyone is here, so these groups are final. Please don't come asking me to switch them around when you break up with Sasori or get in a fight with Deidara." Then, after a brief pause. "Just example names." Another smile. "Speaking of names, I believe class introduction are in order. Would anyone like to go first? No?" A strange glint came into his eyes, making him look downright mischievous (and all the more sexy). "Then I will, I suppose! I am Itachi of the Uchiha family, and I think I will actually insist that you call me Uchiha-sama this year in class-" I _swear_ he looked straight at our lab table. " _All_ of you.

"This is my first year at Konohagakure, as I've recently moved back home from Japan with my family, whom I adore and cherish deeply. Besides my wonderful parents, I have an absolutely _darling_ little brother, Sasuke, who is absolutely the light of my life. He'd be the light of anyone's life if you ask me, quite the catch, really. I would be ever so pleased if he could find love, preferably soon; in fact, it is my sincerest hope for this schoolyear... along with my hope that we can all have a great year in Chemistry together." At this, he flashed yet another winning smile to the mostly shocked faces of the class. The only person in the class who seemed to know what to make of his… interesting speech was Naruto, who was nearly dying of laughter next to me, tears running down his face.

(Sidenote: had I known Sasuke better at the time, I would have easily noted that he was downright seething. However, to those not well-versed in interpreting the facial expressions of the youngest Uchiha, 'Default Impassive' appears remarkably similar to 'I-Would-Kill-My-Older-Brother-For-Mortifying-Me-in-Public-If-I-Didn't-Think-Mom-Would-Find-Out'.)

"Now then, who's next? Anyone? All right then, Sasuke, my dearest little brother, over to you."

At this, the entirety of eyes in the class, including my own, turned to observe the boy Itachi-sensei had gestured to. That boy being… bastard, shoulder-shoving Sasuke.

Wait a minute. I frantically flicked my gaze from Sasuke to Itachi-sensei, taking in their same silky, ebony hair, same straight jaws and noses, same dark eyes, same delicious-looking mouths.

(Sidenote: Damn, that family has good genes!)

Sasuke? This was darling-little-brother Sasuke? Of course! Snickers emerged as this realization simultaneously dawned on everyone in the class.

A low, frightening warning growl emerged from darling Sasuke's lips. "Itachi…"

"Ah ah ah. That's Uchiha-sama to you." More snickers. Itachi-sama's weird little spiel was suddenly starting to make perfect sense. "Would you like me to do the honors for you, little brother?

"Sasuke Uchiha. Seventeen years old. Smart. Driven. Stoic. Athletic. Wealthy. Well-traveled. Devilishly handsome… and, most importantly, available." He finished his sales-pitch with a wink, to which Sasuke snarled and stormed out of the room, class tittering in his wake, girls basically undressing him with their eyes as he passed. I watched him go, too, feeling something niggling in the back of my mind, a memory…

Naruto introduced himself next, followed by Hinata, but I was too distracted to pay attention, staring at the door, unable to shake the feeling that I was forgetting (or remembering?) something…

Hina had just finished up, saying, "um, Sakura-chan, you're next," when it hit me.

Japan… didn't Itachi-sensei say something about Sasuke being well-traveled? Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. And… Japan, right? Japan… Sasuke… dark hair… just moved back... _Sasuke… I know that name... dark hair… dark eyes…_

Holy frick.

 _Sasuke Uchiha?!_

I gasped. Kami, could it be possible?

"Um… Sakura-chan? Sakura-chan, you're up…"

"Huh? What?" What did she say? Something about it being my turn? Oh! "Oh, Kami, sorry… sorry…" Everything was going fuzzy. "Uhhhh, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I…" I just couldn't believe… "I…" It wasn't possible… "I… I don't think I can breathe."

The world went black to a chorus of dramatic-movie-moment gasps and the sound of my own frenetically beating heart.

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O


End file.
